How Understanding Creates Safety

QUESTION FROM TONIGHT'S CONNECTION

If you could sit in silence with someone and still feel deeply understood, what would that moment feel like?

If I could sit in silence with someone and still feel deeply understood, it would feel SAFE.

Imagine sitting across the table from someone. Your phone rings. Before you ever answer it, they see your face change. Maybe you smile. Maybe you hesitate. Maybe your whole mood shifts. You don’t have to tell them who’s calling because they’ve spent enough time paying attention to you that they already know what certain people bring out in you. They can see it written all over your face. That’s someone who UNDERSTANDS YOUR EMOTIONS.

Or maybe you’ve both been working for hours. One of you looks up, the other makes eye contact, and without either of you saying a word, you both know it’s time to take a break. That’s someone who UNDERSTANDS YOUR PACE.

Or maybe you come home after a long day at work. Your person is already sitting on the couch. You slide down beside them. They look over at you, you look back at them, and neither of you says a word. After a minute, they get up and bring you a glass of wine. You never had to tell them you had a hard day because they’ve spent enough time paying attention to know exactly what that look meant. That’s someone who UNDERSTANDS YOUR NEEDS.

Or maybe you’re flying together for the first time. You’ve never said you’re nervous, but they’ve spent enough time with you to recognize the little things you do when you are. Maybe you start fidgeting or tapping your foot. They quietly reach over and take your hand because they already know what those things mean. That’s someone who UNDERSTANDS YOUR ANXIETY.

I think moments like these remind us that understanding is built over time. Every time we pay attention, we learn a little more about the people we love. Eventually, we know them well enough that words aren’t even necessary. To me, that’s what feeling SAFE in a relationship looks like.